REACTION: Gossip Girl Spinoff Episode 3

Thursday brought the third episode of the “Gossip Girl” spinoff, “Lies Wide Shut.”

The official description states: “While the school takes drastic measures to smoke out Gossip Girl’s identity, a blind item threatens to put an end to a Constance couple. Max (Thomas Doherty) pushes Julien (Jordan Alexander) to explore life outside her comfort zone, prompting both teens to uncover shocking family secrets. Zoya (Whitney Peak) turns to an unlikely ally for help fitting in.”

The episode was written by Lila Feinberg and directed by Jennifer Lynch. Fun fact: Feinberg appeared in an episode of “The Bedford Diaries,” which starred Penn Badgley (Dan, Gossip Girl).

This hour made me feel a lot of feels. But were they good feels? Read on to find out.

Gossip Girl Spinoff Episode 3, "Lies Wide Shut"

• I haven’t been really keeping track of the episode titles, but after Stephanie Savage, co-creator of the original “Gossip Girl,” mentioned on this week’s “Welcome to the O.C., Bitches” how they did all movie puns for the “Gossip Girl” episode titles, it suddenly dawned on me now that they’re continuing that with the spinoff.

• I should’ve mentioned this last week, but I don’t see why Twitter would verify a random gossip account with no confirmed identity behind it. But I guess we’re supposed to think Julien making that happen is proof of her influence and stature.

• The “Bonus Jonas” line made me laugh. “Bonus Jonas” has always made laugh.

• The parallel between the Audrey / Julien conversation about Max and the Aki / Obie conversation about Max was well done, as was the framing and direction when Audrey and Aki both see Max in the courtyard from opposite sides and then see each other.

• Eli has a big forehead. I say that as someone who has a big forehead.

  • Fun (personal) fact: My grandpa’s name was Eli. My Hebrew name was inspired by him — Elisheva.

• Did we know before this episode that Zoya’s dad was a lawyer? But he’s not the kind of lawyer that is wealthy, I guess.

• When Obie was at dinner with Zoya and Nick, his dialogue and mannerisms gave me major Dan vibes. I felt like I was watching some version of Penn.

• Julien’s outfit at the club with Max… wow! Seeing her do drugs was a major turnoff, though.

• It was funny that Audrey and Aki both thought Gossip Girl’s blind item about cheating was about them.

• It was also done well when Julien and Max uncovered things about their respective dads at the same time.

• Luna essentially giving Zoya a makeover or a lesson in public image felt like a cliche out of so many teen movies, especially with the pretty bully teaming up with the supposedly ugly girl but having sinister motives.

• The line about watching “the play around the play” unfold was a good one. Julien and Max’s respective schemes, and how they blew up in their faces, reminded me a lot of something Blair and Chuck would do.

• If you didn’t know Jeremy O. Harris or what he looked like, you would have no idea who it was that approached Zoya and said they could talk elsewhere. You would just think it was a random, even creepy and weird, guy… not the freakin’ playwright of the play they just watched.

• The scene with Max crying on Rafa’s doorstep, and his messed-up scheme, should’ve been a big reminder to Rafa that Max is a CHILD. He is not an adult capable of making wise decisions about whether or not to hook up with a teacher. Yet we know their hookup is inevitable.

• I was disappointed that we didn’t get to see Audrey and Aki’s first conversation after Max revealed their dalliances. We just went from their facial reactions to them conversing the next day at school. Surely they had some kind of exchange after Max dropped the bombs and walked off. Also inevitable, of course, is that Audrey and Aki’s recommitment to each other and insistence that they don’t want other things won’t last.

• Kate and her cohorts reached a new low setting up their own colleague. Kate even said, “Why do I feel so horrible?” Because you ARE horrible! And why would they be down with just any of them posting on the Gossip Girl account? I thought part of the setup was that Kate herself did all the writing and posting and had worked hard to master Gossip Girl’s difficult voice. But now the other teacher(s) did too??

• I assume the intel Luna now plans to use against Zoya is Zoya’s passing reference to how she and her dad are living in her grandma’s rent-controlled apartment even though her grandma herself is no longer living there.

So, I’ll admit it: I liked this episode more than the first two. But the scenes with the teachers remain the absolute worst. The acting, the dialogue, the vibe… it still feels like something out of a bad TV movie. And it makes you feel like you’re watching two different shows.

I may not love the young characters and they may not be great actors either, but I much rather stick with them than cut back and forth to the teachers… which is part of the problem with the teachers being Gossip Girl and the audience knowing that. They have to keep showing that and it’s arguably the weakest part of the series. I’m already wondering if they’ll change course and have a different person / group be Gossip Girl every season, similar to how “Pretty Little Liars” changed who A was.

My other quibble with this episode is that, with this only being the third episode, we (or at least I) barely care about the characters and am not all that invested in or attached to them. But now I’m supposed to care about what their parents up to? I get it — parental storylines were a factor pretty early on in all the teen dramas that came before. But I feel like they could’ve waited a few more episodes before doing these father-focused storylines. Give me time to fall in love with the main characters before expecting me to be interested in the minor ones.

Besides the episode titles, something else that just dawned on me now was that when each episode ends, there are no previews for the following week. It’s interesting that they are doing a traditional “previously on” segment, but no sneak peeks. I don’t really have a problem with it — just an observation.

Next week’s fourth episode is the last that was given to critics in advance. And given how scathing the reviews that followed were, it’s hard to believe that episode will be light-years better than the ones we’ve seen thus far. But maybe if there were baby steps of improvement this week, there could be more baby steps next week, and then with the following two episodes in this half of the season, it could be off to the races. But I know better than to get my hopes up…

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