I wrote this to a friend of a friend of mine who asked about people’s thoughts about Shannen. I figured I’d put it here, as well.
I wanted to talk to someone other than my favorite niece about Shannen. I feel like no one other than her and my husband can understand the depth of my feelings about this actress who I never got to meet, but yet feel so close to.
I’m old enough to remember her in the Little House spinoff as Jenny Wilder. I loved her then, and always made it a point to watch everything she was in. Well, everything is maybe an overstatement. More correctly, I would watch things just because she was in them (same as I did with Luke). Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Heathers, Beverly Hills 90210, Charmed, Mallrats…
I bought her book, and finally I listened to her podcast and just began listening to House of Halliwell because they were going back to the beginning with her as one of the cohosts.
I love that she got to “be clear” on her podcast. I love that she got to talk to her doctors, mom, her friends, her exes, other celebrities she admired. I love that we got to hear her real, deep, deep unfettered belly laugh several times. You know what I keep thinking about as far as that goes? That episode in season one “It’s Only a Test” (Oh God, just as i wrote it it hit me anew that it’s the one where she finds a lump in her breast 😭) She’s sitting on her bed with Brandon and she’s afraid. She’s talking about their Aunt Sheila, crying, and then Brandon says something and she asks sarcastically something like ‘How much wisdom did you accumulate in that seven minutes’—he’s seven minutes older—he says, “A small lifetime”. They start laughing and hitting each other. Her laugh there?? It wasn’t an actor laugh. That was the laugh we got to hear on her podcast from time to time where it starts deep and then drops off for a few seconds into a silent laugh of just…almost no breath. A kind of ah ah ah stutter and then back to the deep laugh again. Man.
On her podcast you can hear how much she loved living, loved her life. My niece and I said a few times how much fun it would be to be able to be her friend. For an all too brief moment we were virtually allowed into the outer part of her inner circle. Her intelligence, her fears, her joys, her sarcasm, her humor, and her humanness just shined.
As much as I loved getting a glimpse into that outer part of her inner circle, it makes me rail against her death even more. She had so many more dreams left to live! So many things she wanted to do. I wanted her to go horseback riding in Utah with Katherine Heigl, rescue more horses and dogs, to have more time with her mom, her dog Bowie, her family and friends, to get back to Italy again, to finally find that man that would stand with her through sickness and health forever. I wanted for her what she wanted, to go on living, and loving, laughing, and learning.
I do know, and of course she knew it even better that that’s not really how stage IV metastatic cancer works, but I wanted to believe she’d be the exception. I am so sad that she wasn’t.
Charlotte, I'm so glad you recognized this as a safe space to share your feelings and I thank you for doing so. Your thoughts have moved me deeply. I hope you know you are not alone in your grief.
I wrote this to a friend of a friend of mine who asked about people’s thoughts about Shannen. I figured I’d put it here, as well.
I wanted to talk to someone other than my favorite niece about Shannen. I feel like no one other than her and my husband can understand the depth of my feelings about this actress who I never got to meet, but yet feel so close to.
I’m old enough to remember her in the Little House spinoff as Jenny Wilder. I loved her then, and always made it a point to watch everything she was in. Well, everything is maybe an overstatement. More correctly, I would watch things just because she was in them (same as I did with Luke). Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Heathers, Beverly Hills 90210, Charmed, Mallrats…
I bought her book, and finally I listened to her podcast and just began listening to House of Halliwell because they were going back to the beginning with her as one of the cohosts.
I love that she got to “be clear” on her podcast. I love that she got to talk to her doctors, mom, her friends, her exes, other celebrities she admired. I love that we got to hear her real, deep, deep unfettered belly laugh several times. You know what I keep thinking about as far as that goes? That episode in season one “It’s Only a Test” (Oh God, just as i wrote it it hit me anew that it’s the one where she finds a lump in her breast 😭) She’s sitting on her bed with Brandon and she’s afraid. She’s talking about their Aunt Sheila, crying, and then Brandon says something and she asks sarcastically something like ‘How much wisdom did you accumulate in that seven minutes’—he’s seven minutes older—he says, “A small lifetime”. They start laughing and hitting each other. Her laugh there?? It wasn’t an actor laugh. That was the laugh we got to hear on her podcast from time to time where it starts deep and then drops off for a few seconds into a silent laugh of just…almost no breath. A kind of ah ah ah stutter and then back to the deep laugh again. Man.
On her podcast you can hear how much she loved living, loved her life. My niece and I said a few times how much fun it would be to be able to be her friend. For an all too brief moment we were virtually allowed into the outer part of her inner circle. Her intelligence, her fears, her joys, her sarcasm, her humor, and her humanness just shined.
As much as I loved getting a glimpse into that outer part of her inner circle, it makes me rail against her death even more. She had so many more dreams left to live! So many things she wanted to do. I wanted her to go horseback riding in Utah with Katherine Heigl, rescue more horses and dogs, to have more time with her mom, her dog Bowie, her family and friends, to get back to Italy again, to finally find that man that would stand with her through sickness and health forever. I wanted for her what she wanted, to go on living, and loving, laughing, and learning.
I do know, and of course she knew it even better that that’s not really how stage IV metastatic cancer works, but I wanted to believe she’d be the exception. I am so sad that she wasn’t.
Man.
Fuck Cancer.
Charlotte Rozich, LMT
Charlotte, I'm so glad you recognized this as a safe space to share your feelings and I thank you for doing so. Your thoughts have moved me deeply. I hope you know you are not alone in your grief.
This was beautiful! So glad Shari shared it on 9-Oh! News.
Thank you so much! I am honored that Shari shared it on the podcast.
Thank you for this. 💕